Old school thin crust heaven

well-done, please

Hi, everyone!

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, so I hope you’re keeping warm at home on your day off, because holy crap, is it cold out. And for those of you who have to work today, please stay safe!

We’re literally going Party Cut style today, because this edition of the newsletter is about good old-fashioned thin crust, square-cut Chicago pizza. Pizza contributor Brian Erst has done a bang-up job talking about his favorite thin crust pies, but it’s my turn to chime in.

Last time I brought up the subject was when John’s Pizzeria closed in Bucktown last year, which was pretty unfortunate. I’ve been nosing around to see if we can find a new-to-us thin crust place within 10-15 minutes of us on the Northwest side, so I finally decided to visit a place I kept hearing about in a Chicagoland pizza group I’m part of on Facebook.

(I’d invite you all to join, but the commentary on there can get heated for no reason and I’d like to spare you all the agony. You should see what commenters say to me at my day job, ugh.)

So this week we hit up Frank’s Pizzeria in Schorsch Village (yeah, that neighborhood name is new to me too), far west on Belmont.

Davida was out of town, so I invited friend and supporter of the newsletter, Young Choi along for the meal, so I didn’t look really weird ordering all that food by myself. Don’t worry, you’re all getting invites someday, it just might take a long-ass time and some independent wealth to get there.

But until then, maybe consider supporting the newsletter, because my “investment” in Lotto tickets hasn’t paid off yet:

Real smooth, I know. Hey, at least today’s is a freebie.

You can probably tell by that cool light-up sign (which is beautiful at night, by the way), but Frank’s Pizzeria has been open for quite a long time now.

71 years, in fact, which is information that’s proudly displayed on the cover of its current menu. Considering long-time places like John’s Pizzeria keep closing, I think we should probably all consider picking up a few extra pizzas from neighborhood places like Frank’s now and again.

The interior of Frank’s Pizzeria is just pure Chicago nostalgia.

The tables are decked out with red and white checkered plastic tablecloths, the water comes served in red plastic tumblers, the space is tiny, everything about the place is flat-out wonderful.

When Young and I stepped in, we were immediately greeted by the owner, who has the best name ever. That’s because like me, he is a fellow Dennis. Owner Dennis Prosio is warm, chatty, and welcoming, and if you visit Frank’s sometime, he’ll likely be there. As of now, he told us, he’s around seven days a week, which is a lot of time to be putting into work when you’re a sprightly 84 years old.

Young and I started off with the Italian salad ($11.95), which comes with iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, pepperoni, red onions, pepperoncini, and a handful of mozzarella.

There’s seven dressing options, but Dennis told us that the Italian and ranch dressing are made in-house, so we went for the Italian. The salad itself is that classic satisfying pizzeria kind that’s heavy on the cold lettuce, the type you order if you want something light and crisp before you dig into the heavy stuff.

And that house-made Italian dressing is unlike any Italian dressing I’ve ever had. Though you can visually tell that it’s a vinaigrette, it’s relatively light on the vinegar, heavier on the salt, and has a flavor we couldn’t quite nail down. I have a sneaking suspicion it’s something like a dash of soy sauce or Maggi, which would explain the salt levels, but I could be wrong. I’m weirdly fascinated; maybe I’ll pry the next time I visit.

We said fuck it and ordered the mixed basket appetizer ($13.95) too, which comes with a hefty serving of fried cauliflower, breaded mushrooms, zucchini sticks, and onion rings, along with a side of marinara and ranch for dipping.

If it looks like a glorious plate of fried food, that’s because it is. Whoever’s on the fryer has done this for a while, because everything here was fried just right. I’m a sucker for breaded mushrooms—they always scald the living shit out of me when the shell gives way to the dangerously hot moisture from the mushrooms within, and yup, I burned my tongue immediately. The onion rings are stellar, too.

We ordered two large pizzas, one of them being the Frank’s Special ($31.50 for a 14”), which has the classic Chicago combination of sausage, mushroom, onion, and green bell pepper. We ordered both pies well-done, since I tend to like a little bit of extra color to the cheese.

The Frank’s Special is the topping combination I grew up eating (this is a written reminder to myself that I should dig around to find out why this one is so popular in Chicago). I’m fairly certain that this is the only time I ever get bell pepper on pizza—something about its slight bitterness plays with the sweet onions, savory mushrooms, and fatty chunks of meat well.

The pie came out looking like a beauty, with that thin coveted ring of naked sauce around the edge, thickened just a touch during its time in the oven.

Guys, I think I found my new go-to pizza.

The crust on this pie is remarkably thin, but it’s still crisp (the middle pieces inevitably get soggy, but those are usually the breaks), and it’s almost got a matzo-style snap to it. I don’t think it’s quite as thin as say, Vito and Nick’s or Kim’s Uncle Pizza, but it’s damn close. It’s a pretty remarkable architectural feat, because the toppings aren’t exactly sparse, either.

The bottom of these slices is an even tan color (no black leopard spots here), if you’re the kind of person who keeps track of this sort of thing.

There’s no charred cornmeal that I could see. When I held up this slice, the toppings all stayed right on. Then I burnt the shit out of my mouth again because I’m an impatient dumbass who absolutely knew that was coming.

I don’t know what else to say other than this is just an absolutely terrific cracker-thin pizza. Interestingly enough, there’s not a ton of Northside spots that deliver pies this thin (they’re mostly relegated to the Southside or occasionally suburbs), so Frank’s Pizzeria is a standout. And as to the toppings, the sauce is thick and tangy, the sausage is juicy and in large chunks, and the veggies are added in the right proportion in that they don’t weep too much water, which can oftentimes be an issue with that sausage, onion, mushrooms, and bell pepper combo.

Later, Dennis told us that you can request extra-thin crust, which is stretched from a smaller quantity of dough, and that he likes his with extra sauce and a little less cheese. That’s an insider tip straight from the owner, one I’ll be sure to take advantage of the next time I visit. I want to see how that crust holds up.

Young said that one of his go-to topping combinations is Italian beef and hot giardinera ($34.15 for 14”; Italian beef comes with a premium-topping charge, extra sauce is $1.15), which is pretty much a Chicagoan’s version of peanut butter and jelly.

We ordered this one with extra sauce, because I’d seen in an Instagram post from pizza buddy Brian Erst that he liked his that way. I’d say that if you’re ordering a beef and giardinera pizza, you might not actually need that sauce—the giardinera oil provides enough additional moisture that the extra red is almost unnecessary.

This one’s great, too. The toppings are under the cheese, so you can’t see them in the photo, but there’s a pretty good amount of both on there. And Young noticed that the giardinera is pretty punchy, which is a welcome note through the fat of the cheese.

I am going to say this if you haven’t noticed yet: These pizzas are not cheap. Probably like you, I’m not used to paying this much for a pie—our usual go-to, Trattoria Poretta, offers the same size Italian beef and giardinera pizza for more than $10 less. Southside staple Vito and Nick’s is around $8 cheaper for the identical build.

I can understand if prices affect your dining decision, but on our next visit (there will be a next one), I might just stick to pies for that reason, though the siren call of a mixed platter of fried goods and a nice cold salad is still tempting. I know pricing is a sensitive issue for all of us these days, which is why it’s information I include in the newsletter.

That being said, consider me a big fan of Frank’s Pizzeria now, because it really delivers on that whole crispy thin crust thing. Plus, it’s a gem of a place, and it’s weirdly still an under-the-radar type of pizza joint that I’ve only seen mentioned sparingly in local Chicago media (I hadn’t heard of it until that grouchy Facebook group I mentioned earlier).

It’s certainly worth a visit or 10. Plus you get to say hi to a guy named Dennis, and we Dennises are pretty cool. Trust me, I’m a Dennis expert.

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Okay, everyone, that concludes today’s edition of The Party Cut! If you’ve never tried Frank’s, now’s as good a time as any to get some of this ultra-thin crust pizza up on the North side.

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Okay, housekeeping’s done. Go have a great week and avoid that frostbite. I love you all very much.